An interview with the director of BILLA.
Director = dir ; Bakra Man who Watched it = bmw
Bmw : Before I begin to listen to ur nonsense let us get one thing clear.
Dir : yes?
Bmw : Billa is a copy of the tamil movie of the same name?
Dir : yes ..
Bmw : and that Billa is a copy of an old tamil movie starring rajinikanth
Dir : yes ..
Bmw : and that old movie was a copy of the amitabh bacchan starrer DON
Dir : yes .. but you see since my Billa(smug smile) and the original DON(dismissive look) have the same story, I have actually only cop..err .. remade the original done with local telugu flavor.
Bmw : please excuse me for a second ...
(Bmw comes back he has obviously been crying)
Bmw : why?
Dir : sorry?
Bmw : why did you want to make this film?
Dir : Well basically I thought it was a fresh theme and I felt I could explore some of the intense portions of the story that had been ignored in the original Don.
Bmw : do you realise that large portions of the film involve the hero(face contorts intensely) walking to some hip hop beats and worse just standing there looking like a model for shoppers stop or west side.
Dir : Yes you see namitha cant move much thanks to all the ...well you know ... so every scene involving her meant we could not let actors move too much.
Bmw : who got the idea to include Krishnam Raju in this film? Who dusted his coffin and dragged him out?
Dir : yes we were very happy to have the rebel star as part of the film. His creative inputs really helped us bring out some wonderful aspects of the story.
Bmw : Who allowed him to speak english? Couldn't you find someone to dub for him?
Dir : Krishnam Raju gaaru was very cooperative he insisted on doing all the stunts himself.
Bmw : yes about that, who put a gun in is hand?
Dir : Yes I know he looked so natural with it. Everyone has been telling me Krishnam Raju gaaru has shown us all what a real police officer looks like.
Bmw : You mean traffic police dont you?
Dir : Sorry?
Bmw : nothing ... so tell me .. the part where ranga gets trained in (wipes tears) computers. Why did u spend so much time explaining about a pen drive?
Dir : we wanted the film to be educational also ... infact cbse people are seriously considering using our film as suggested reading for 8th class students who are being taught computer science.
Bmw : excuse me for a second
dir : bathroom eh? Hehehehehe
Bmw : (slowly turns around) yes ... excuse me
(this time when he comes back his eyes are puffy and reddened)
Bmw : where were we?
Dir : I want to tell you about the music in this film.
Bmw : music? What music? You lifted tracks from famous hip hop artists and added a few veena notes in the background.
Dir : I want to thank my music director who sat with the entire creative team and produced such wonderful music. Ofcourse the choreographer was able to feel the audience pulse and make the stars do some amazing moves.
Bmw : well im amazed he made namitha move. One song mostly consisted of Prabhas trying to pull down anushkas pants but lets move on.
Dir : Anushka worked out a lot and lost a lot of weight for her look in this film.
Bmw : lets talk about her acting. For the most part she looked like she just sucked on a lemon. Why was she not told to emote a bit?
Dir : I was really impressed when she told me that she had understood the psychology behind the character. She said, a person who has lost her loved ones does not have many expressions left.
Bmw : bloody smart. What did you achieve by using Jayasudha?
Dir : jayasudha madam graciously agreed to be a part of the creative te ...
Bmw : yes we know and her inputs hauled your sad excuse for a film to a point where dogs could pee on it without cringing. WHY WHY WHY? Why did u use her?
Dir : She is basically a directors actor and ...
Bmw : I think we are done here ...
Dir : but I have not told you about the action sequences.
Bmw : I want my 100 rupees back.