Friday, November 26, 2010

J.A.P - jest another post ....

Let me start very arrogantly. As all the many readers of this blog know, I am a big fan of the movies. I seem to have an appetite for even those deemed 'rotten'[a genuine rating in some circles]. I happened to see the posters for an upcoming SAW film. I realise that these people mean bsuiness and are here to stay...forever. There is always going to be a way to put humans together in one room and watch them act crazy! Can't say its an original idea. I remember watching cage matches on WWF. You put a bunch of wrestlers together in a cage and its fun watching them 'spreadin' the looooove'.Forced confrontation. That happens in offices too. Not that I have the temerity to speak seeing as I am in between jobs. You will be forced to share a cubicle with the person you hate the most! You don't like the creepy thin fella who whispers into the phone a lot, cool sit next to him. That woman who can't stop showing you pictures of her baby? You're paired with her for the next assignment. The universe is sending out a very clear and concise message to us. Keep your fucking prejudices to yourself. Maybe SAW people should do that. It's not long before aliens come to earth[actually even if they take a few million years there will be a SAW movie coming out at that time]. So maybe SAW will have aliens and humans pitted against a common enemy. Oh wait AVP already did that. I saw that movie. Waitaminit! I SAW that film. Cool!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Snake

Beauteous snake,

How much I learn from thee.

You meander through the grass,
Like a dangerous ornament.
Slithering over obstacles,

Your movement so elegant.

Your jeweled eyes cast,

A cold look so intense.

So still is your body,

An inexplicably terrifying presence.

A graceful form that hides venom.
A lazy gait belies your speed.
But what I like most of all is,
To sit aside and watch you feed!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Top telugu film dialogs

I am an insane fan of movies. I am constantly looking for updates wherever I can find them, on every site that is NOT blocked in my company! Like any PSBBian (madras people know what I mean) I prefer English movies to local fare. Being a Telugu person, I make time for as many Telugu movies as I can (insert cringe for Balakrishna movies). We all have that one idiot who ruins the name of the industry! Hollywood has Chuck Norris, Tollywood has Balakrishna, Kollywood(tamil cinema) has Vijay, Vijaykanth, Sam Anderson and many more (dig dig at sam people! :P), Bollywood has well ... suffice to say I do not wish to test the limits of my blog. Despite the presence of these pests, there are things we are proud of. I always thought telugu cinema dialogs were good. So I want to make an unofficial compilation. Right here ...
Post your favorite dialog in the comment section in the following format.
"" - :

let me start.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Sex in India ...

In most countries, sex is a proposition.
"Should we?" - "We should."
"Can we?" - "We can."
and many more such infuriatingly cooperative situations.

Sex in India however is a preposition.
"Have you ever done that?"
The standard reply to this question is more or less the same. Open your mouth in the shape of an 'O' and while emitting a steady sound rapidly cup and uncup your hand on your mouth(3 cycles per second should do the trick). The resulting sound should be something like this ...
"awbawbawbawbawba ..."
"You did thataaaa?"
"Tee Hee ... no"

Thursday, May 13, 2010

5 cartoon shows that should have been made into films by now!

Before I begin let me make it very clear that the Power Puff Girls or the Care bears will not be featured here. Go fish yourself!

- Centurions : Everything about the show from the theme song to the satellite home base to the snap on body armour to the insane cyborg enemies to the ... ok you get the idea. This was a great show! 3 sachinodus(dudes to you) are referred to as the Centurions(echo effect).

Ray - usually wears suits that help him underwater ... hence the name ray!!
Rockwell - bloody obvious : land operations
Ace McCloud - yes yes without a doubt air support.

The three of them have a good time kicking some Cyborg ass. Hey if G I Joe(which by the way was my bloody bloody fav cartoon) can be turned into a film(I gag while I say this) Centurions can be celluloided too!

- Johnny Quest : The theme song! Yes we all remember this cartoon because it had a GREAT theme song! Those beats were insane. The action in the toon was pretty good too! This was the first cartoon I saw where people travelled between the real and virtual world. It was captivating! That indian kid(because he has a turban silly! all indians wear turbans) irritated me a lot!!! This movie will definitely do better than the Harry Potter movies(are they done yet?). Just found this by the way!

- Swat Kats : ok maybe not a live action film but hey MegaKat city is pretty cool! If they can make garfield,they can make T Bone and Razor! I would love to see these fellas on the big screen ripping across their sky in that ubercool fighterjet! I cannot recall the number of times I tried to make that hand thingy the Kats wear with all those gizmos on them!!!

- Top Cat : thats right I said it ... Top Cat! This was one of the first cartoons that made me realise that good dialogues go a long way to make the story interesting! The absolute cool with which Top Cat did everything, the natural leadership he displayed reminded me of one person alone - Simon Templar[a.k.a The Saint - sigh yes the Val kilmer movie - :( but previously a set of novels then a tv series(roger moore) and then the godforsaken movie!]. I think a Top Cat movie will be more of a challenge to the writers than the animators! Again .. not a live action movie!

- Thundercats : To be honest I don't remember much. All I know is a lot of half meow half human people walking around busting butts. Perfect recipe for a movie I say!!! I wanna here them say Thunder ... thunder ... thunder ... thundercats in DTS!!!

James Cameron ... stop making "blue" films and bless us with your creative eye!
Michael Bay! Edo okati cheyyi be!

Just realised there are too many "cats" in my requests!

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Edge of Darkness

I wonder how many of you have seen "Taken". Tough and gritty movie, not a single dull moment. Liam Neesons' daughter is kidnapped and he must find her within 48 hours before she is lost forever in the prostitution underworld. When I saw the promos of "Edge of Darkness", I was subconciously pushed to thinking, "Father avenges daughter, should be good".(background noise of director snickering)
Mel Gibson plays the role of Thomas Craven a Boston Police Officer. His daughter comes visiting and she is obviously sick. Daddy is about to take her to the hospital when all of a sudden outside their home, a masked man guns her down, not before screaming "CRAVEN!"(if you remember in Taken, the kidnapper says, "Good Luck"). The police assume it was someone who had it in for the father. Thomas Craven is however more cranial(get it?) than that and decides to look into what his daughter was doing. We soon get to know that she was an MITian(seriously? are there no other good colleges?) and was(note how I am using the past tense) working for a firm called Northmoor(oooooooh). The next hour shows Mel Gibson rattling every cage he comes across, starting with the CEO of Northmoor - Bennet. Subsequently every person he speaks to says the same thing, "Bennet is the bad guy." "Bennet's the man you want". Until slowly but surely Craven realises that Bennet is the one behind everything(this is the main twist). Throw in a fat but creepy man with a british accent who casually talks about the edge of darkness with his doctor, a shady research fa cility that is making nuclear weapons for foreign countries, a flower child organisation that is completely anti-corporate and of course some henchmen in black suits, what do you have? Nothing. Don't even watch this film. Mel Gibson has corny lines. He exit line in one scene is, "... and don't forget to wear your seat belt!". Wow! We have a clear message here: You may have assisted my daughters death but I value your safety(this is my major wtf moment). What really peeved me is when he catches one of the henchmen(after shooting off his leg) and asks him to scream, you guessed it, CRAVEN! People do what Mel Gibson did, go watch "Taken" again!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

An impeccable script

Stare intensely at a Vampire.
Look down ... smile ... look up with a serious expression.

Take the most action packed and violent scenes and turn them into slo mo ballet.

Twilight: New Moon
Stare intensely at a Werewolf.
Look down ... smile ... look up with a serious expression.

Make sure there is no blood and gore in any corner of the screen.

Twilight Eclipse
The vampires and werewolves stare at each other and make cubs that shed their hair in sunlight.

I find this entire "saga" pathetic. You cannot take bloodthirsty beasts and turn them into bloody romance dolls!!! Barbara Cartland is turning in her grave and Joan Collins is on IV. When someone told me that the Twilight series of movies was about vampires and werewolves, I was genuinely interested. I was extremely disappointed with the Underworld series(they had a cool framework that got botched up with a pathetic script!). And what do you see on screen? Pansies. No violence, oh no ... we suck on animals. The werewolves have a continuous supply of bermuda shorts. While the special effects were definitely high quality, whats with Bella getting reflected in the werewolves eyes??! I've seen that happen only in Indian wedding videos!
What really pisses me off is the popularity. What is the demographic that is watching this crap?(not counting first time hopefuls like me). It's like encouraging a really irritating kid!!
I am too disoriented to even cuss properly ... please if you are a good friend of mine, don't tell me if you like this "saga"(sheesh!), if however you are a girl, I forgive you.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Perfect Man

My excuse this time is simply this: Too much work. However I am now in a more enlightened place. I have realised the work will never stop. I might as well work around it. This post is quite predictably about my workplace. Give me time and I will align myself to things that are more real. Here goes.

I know he will not read this. He is too tied up in the most mundane of things life has to offer. I am praying he will not read this and I know my prayers are answered even before I ask. This is a post about someone I work with. I will try not to be too critical of this person. The reason why I am apparently 'attacking' this person is because I feel a lot of us risk becoming like this too early. Let me be very clear, this is NOT what you want to be.
To maintain a level of decency, we will call him Mr X. No, "he ain't that cool".
He is 28 yeard old, works for a software company(but ofcourse) and is looking to get married. Simple guy, simple desires? NO.
Here is a simple example of this mans' persona.
We were to submit a document for review. Since the people who had to take a look at the doc were in the US, we were looking at a 4:00 in the evening submission time. I had made my changes to the doc sent it to Mr X and was waiting for him to get his work done. None of us could leave the office until the people onsite sent us a thumbs up(this is usually followed by an impromptu victory parade in the aisles). So I sat there twiddling my thumbs with hope in my heart. After about 2 hours, Mr X gets up from his place looks at me and gestures to come over. So I went up to him and he shows me the document. "There is a problem boss", he says. So i pulled up a chair and say, "Sure, tell me man". he showed me this screen.
"The flowchart is too big so i have split it across 2 images", he says.
I said, "That should not be a problem."
"No no, thats not the problem. The images are not aligned."
"They fit the document fine, what else needs to be aligned?"
"Look at the connector"
"I am looking at the connector, it looks good. What's the issue?"
"The connectors are not aligned"
I stared at the screen for some more time so he did not see the expression on my face. I took some deep breaths and looked at him trying to keep my face as expressionless as possible.
"The connectors are there so we don't have to bother about alignment. Why do you want the connectors to be aligned?"
He bit his lower lip and stared at the screen for some more time.
"You think so? Can't you do something? I feel they should be aligned."
"I think the flowcharts look fine", I said.
More staring followed. A very real twitch was beginning to develop on my face.
"Maybe we can trying moving the images a bit", he said.
"The image fills the entire page, you can't move it anywhere", I was slowly losing my cool now. The man stares at the screen for some more time.
"Ok fine, let me see what I can do."
I got up and walked away while congratulating myself on how well I had controlled my emotions. He had been staring at that flowchart for atleast half an hour. At this point if you are impressed by Mr X's attention to detail, go visit a shrink.
Everyday for me is an intense battle.