Tuesday, February 16, 2010

An impeccable script

Twilight
Stare intensely at a Vampire.
Look down ... smile ... look up with a serious expression.

Take the most action packed and violent scenes and turn them into slo mo ballet.

Twilight: New Moon
Stare intensely at a Werewolf.
Look down ... smile ... look up with a serious expression.

Make sure there is no blood and gore in any corner of the screen.

Twilight Eclipse
The vampires and werewolves stare at each other and make cubs that shed their hair in sunlight.

I find this entire "saga" pathetic. You cannot take bloodthirsty beasts and turn them into bloody romance dolls!!! Barbara Cartland is turning in her grave and Joan Collins is on IV. When someone told me that the Twilight series of movies was about vampires and werewolves, I was genuinely interested. I was extremely disappointed with the Underworld series(they had a cool framework that got botched up with a pathetic script!). And what do you see on screen? Pansies. No violence, oh no ... we suck on animals. The werewolves have a continuous supply of bermuda shorts. While the special effects were definitely high quality, whats with Bella getting reflected in the werewolves eyes??! I've seen that happen only in Indian wedding videos!
What really pisses me off is the popularity. What is the demographic that is watching this crap?(not counting first time hopefuls like me). It's like encouraging a really irritating kid!!
I am too disoriented to even cuss properly ... please if you are a good friend of mine, don't tell me if you like this "saga"(sheesh!), if however you are a girl, I forgive you.

4 comments:

Manasa Alapaty said...

That is just what v thought!.. super hyped bore!

demonMonk said...

i have friends who claim the books are better! sheesh!

Common Man said...

I agree, in fact I never really watched any of the movies., the story lines pissed me off some and then the heroine's constipation kind of pissed me off some more, she is really in need of some dope, she needs to get high...

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