Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Nimble me ...


This morning, thanks to the newspaper boy with a bad aim and a pathetic throwing arm, I had to do a little bit of Parkour to retrieve my newspaper. The local cat observed me warily as I 
"nimbly" dropped down to the sunshade, picked up my paper, stepped onto the top of the enclosing wall and leaped down to the portico in front of my landlords main door. Thankfully they were not in town and I did notice with some satisfaction a hint of jealousy in the cat. I did all this with the toothbrush in my mouth. If I had fallen, I would have tossed the toothbrush aside
and people would think I was frothing at the mouth(back up plan). The cat was still staring at me as I climbed the stairs back to my floor. I could see her chiding her kittens(there are three), "When will you learn to be 'nimble' like him??!"

Image Key(click on image to really soak in the details):

1 : Insertion point(excuse the military lingo COD and counterstrike take over sometimes)
2: Observe this insect in awe of me. Nature stands still when I make my moves.
3: Drop zone. No .. there were no cracks there ... No ... those were already there ... its a badly constructed house.
4: Newspaper was lying here(mission accomplished). Dropped some toothpaste foam when I smiled.
5: Exit point from whence I make good my escape.
6. Jealous cat was sitting here.
7. Final road to the stairs back to my floor.(Radio Static)krzzsssssssssssssssssssssch "Delta team to home base, we have the package"

I think we men do stupid things like this now and then just to show ourselves that we have "it". Where "it" is as ambiguous as "mojo" or "zigibae". It's a stubborn refusal to accept the onset of a state of inability. "No Sarat, you can't sit on that rocking horse" "No Sarat, that tricycle is not for you." Its difficult to keep track of all the things I grow out of. I have a simple rule of thumb or ass rather. I am too old for it if, "It makes me look like an ass" or "My ass doesn't fit there". So I prefer not to do anything overtly physical. In my present condition(shape is what I mean) I look funny even when I walk(yes mom! I will work out!). I am jealous of people with a high metabolism rate. They get away with eating whatever they want! I was like that a long time ago. 
My mother would rant and rave about how the other students at school turned out like laddoos over the holidays while I looked like a piece of coconut fibre. Now ofcourse she tells me I'm too fat and have to lose weight(women!). I like the spriteliness that comes with thin or let me use the accepted word fit. I dont want people to think I'm promoting anorexia. I love food. Ask the waiters of every popular eatery who look at me and a faint glimmer of recognition shimmers on their face. It's like they have a vague memory of a long lost brother when they look at me. I love food. That is the reason why a diet never works with me. 
At one time I successfully lost the pounds(not the currency) and even gained nay 'attained' the elusive 'abs' thanks to 7 months of intense swimming for an hour, everyday. It was such a gradual thing I never even realised that I had begun to lose weight until I found myself buying size 28 pants. I am a 35 now struggling hard not to hit 36. Not a sexy number on a guy! I miss swimming! Especially when my roomie called me and told me that he has a huge pool in his hometown. I miss the days I spent in Gachibowli stadium. 50 meters long 10 feet deep(the swimming pool u notty reader!). Most people who were beginners never had the courage to step into the main pool and so stuck to the smaller one. Me and a friend(santosh) were veterans and frolicked in the bigger pool(at a platonic distance from each other). 
I must add here that it was santosh who insisted we 'graduate' to the bigger pool. Now I scamper and panic wondering where would be a good place to lose the pounds(not currency, ok I slapped myself). Now that I will be moving to Chennai, the continuous sauna effect may help.

6 comments:

Bhavan said...

As long as food has a "nibble me" look, your nimble dreams will have to be limited to occasional newspaper retrieval or fan cleaning. If one of the yuckier ads on TV is to be believed, in Madras you might be swimming in your own sweat.

demonMonk said...

:) hehehehe

Manasa Alapaty said...

sauna effect.. u wish!

demonMonk said...

i pray!!!!!

Common Man said...

Guess Who? And I loved the post. And dont get your hopes up, I am not a girl...

HY said...

@DemonMonk

Er... waiting for new posts...

@Common Man

lol!!